Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize