just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
