My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I looked at my own cervix.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
