i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
