i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
honey bunches of taint.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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