just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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