Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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