i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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