i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Randomize
