When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
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You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
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I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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