fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
