i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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