he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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