shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
