I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
