Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
