it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
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I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
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Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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