thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
