I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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