i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
