I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
