Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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