Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
