someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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