3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
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