OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
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He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
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He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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