if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
