Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
