Swine flu is the new snow day.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
