apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
