I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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