I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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