Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
