i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
