Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
