Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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