There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
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Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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