ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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