The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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