the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
