ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Still dying that you shit outside
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
