Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
