By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
