She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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