I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
