u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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