At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
