Dual....:-)
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
