I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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