the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
