Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
