It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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