Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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