guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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