im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
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