you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
