looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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