no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
