She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
