I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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