Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Fuck appropriateness.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
