She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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