I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
