worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
