There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
