Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.