im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
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Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.