If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO