Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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