I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
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Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
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she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.