things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
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He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.