Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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