Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
