I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
