She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
