She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
this boner is exhausting
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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