There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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