I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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