I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize