i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
