I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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