I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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