You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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