We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
