Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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