I wannas sexs uuuuu
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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