too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
