Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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